When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
