everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
