She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
