I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
