Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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