have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
