Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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