All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
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Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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