rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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