she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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