okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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