Just fell off a train. Bad.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
