no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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