He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
