Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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