just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
