Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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