Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I will die if light touches me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
