Betty ford says i'm here all night
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
