i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Are these your boobs on my camera?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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