i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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