It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
