The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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