You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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