Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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