I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
