Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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