How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
