I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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