Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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