chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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