i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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