Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
