you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
