can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
handjob tips. give me some.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
