If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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