Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
