I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize