i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
