Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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