I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
