So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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