I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize