Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
