Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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