Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
