Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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