U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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