Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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