I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
