Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
