your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
