Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
