K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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