He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't deserve a penis
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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