he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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