I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
