I look better un-naked...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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