I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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