I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
