He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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