i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
