We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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