you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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